I hate when only me and my thoughts
When the angelic and the devilic
When i face with my darkest side
deep down inside.....
I can't peace,cool and calm down myself
Everything is so fucked up.
I just couldn't understand why.
It has been a long time since my last blog.
As you know, I don't blog when im happy.
Its just when Im so effin down and emo,
I will come here and confess.
Im tired holding all this shit in my head.
Who can I confront ?
Who can I rely on ?
Who can I really trust ?
None, but myself.
My pride, my ego and my dignity :\
I used to share my everything
I mean my ups and downs, every little single feelings
with my dearest and closest
Im so sorry my dearest,
I know i should throw all those pride and ego
when Im with you
It should be a heart to heart conversation
But the more Im down,
the more I wanna pretend to be nothing.
I used to let people take care of me, hearing and taking advices and opinions
But not anymore. I don't want it that way anymore.
Sometimes rather keep it all to myself.
Less problems, less talking and less unhappiness.
Its better to share the happy one right ?
No point draggin them sad together with me.
Im just so, bothersome
D:
I wanna be tough and independant in everything.
I wanna do everything on my own , solely.
I will think what should I do and what I should do
Too much weakness in me seriously.
My only strength, act tough.
You can never read me by seeing my face and what Im saying.
Things maybe 100% different.
This is what I realize.
I feel I changed.
You know what, I never believe that a person's
personality that borns in and runs in your blood will change.
It somehow will still inside you.
But I do believe that a person's thinking will change that
leads to changing in personality, attitude more accurate perhaps?
Idk idk idk idk.
I don't even know what i m talking right now.
I just know that i wanna leave this fucked up place asap
and I don't wanna see those fucked up people.
Your right, we are so fucked up.
nah, not we. me !
Im so effin tired.
Leave me alone.
Don't kacau me.
Or bear the consequences.
Breathless.
Isit so hard to be happy ?
Its just my one and only simple wish.
Advantages ???
I started to very sensitive over some stuff
Emo + sensitive = Joohuei
haih.
brains stop function for a moment please.
Tell me what has become of my life
Its like rapin' me of my pride
Oh, for God's sake
I look to heaven to fulfill it's prophecy...
Set me free
Welcome me, I m back to here.
I don't really blog when I m happy
I used to blog only when I m sad, real sad and down in the mouth.
There's not a lot to say,
only about the things caught in my mind,
I've been really happy for last month and
this few weeks
specially last week.
Am really happy.
I found the feelings that I've lost long time ago.
Well, course there are bad & sad things happened too
but God bless, miracle happened.
Was so happening and drama.
Was my fault though, i messed things up
Iheart and ihurt. aihhh =(
Ive been losing myself since THAT TIME,
Trapped in the past,
I just can't seem to move on!
I try to have all fun and enjoy myself to live life to fullest
to clear a little space in the corners of my mind.
I was so kelam kabut. very indeed.
Why am I so obviously insane?
Well, what've passed just let it pass
I m tired.
Cheer me up, make me smile.
All i want is just to be happy.
